Social Networking vs Blast From the Past

Like any other morning for me, I logged onto my favorite social networking site when I woke up today. Because I moved across the country during high school, and then again as an adult, these sites put me in touch with family and friends that I haven't seen in decades. Today, there was a little reminder of the birthday of a "friend" of mine. That friend happens to be my first love.

We all know a first love is something special. And this guy was special. We were sophomores in high school and he was cute, athletic, sensitive, smart, and everything you'd want in a man, much less a teenage boy. I left him a birthday wish and went about my day.

But then I thought about him all day long. I tried to remember the time I spent with him, the way we talked to each other, and the things that happened between us. But to be honest, it was all fuzzy at this point. I remembered events here and there, but I didn't remember the heart flutters and the nervousness that you get when you're a teenage girl and really like a boy. I wanted to remember those times so badly but it just wasn't going to happen. And then it hit me. This all happened 31 years ago. 31 years! 31! My failing memory was there to show me that life had moved on, and so had I.

I've always said that if I hadn't moved away from that small town to Los Angeles, I would probably still be with him because we were just so in love at the time. In fact, when I moved, we wrote to each other every single day... for a whole year. This was all back in the days before cell phones, email, even cheap long distance; so when I say it was love, it really was love. When I got home after working 10 hours, I decided to look at his photos on said social networking site. That cute teenage boy was now a grown man who had married and had children. The pictures included his teenage kids participating in various sports, him and his wife at family gatherings, and him hunting, fishing and just generally being an outdoors man. His wife was pretty, albeit plain and unadorned. While looking at the pictures, I tried to see the life that I would have, had I been the one who married him. And you know what? I couldn't do it.

My kids are a good 10 years older than his, and although they're both athletic, they didn't participate in organized sports. The pictures showed he's clearly a part of these organized sports and so they probably spend a lot of time with him. Since my kids are grown up, they're independent now.

Nowadays, the men I date now are less outdoorsy, and more urbane and live less sheltered lives. They don't have weekend hunting or fishing trips; they have weekend jaunts to golf, or they head out to drink with their buddies,or they simply do things they haven't had time to do during the week. I realized that the men I see, as well as I, see our extended families on special occasions, as opposed to every day.

As a woman, I'm anything but plain and unadorned. I have regularly scheduled beauty appointments that include hair color and styling, waxing, and pedicures. I wouldn't dare let anyone take a picture of me without proper make-up and hair. On the few occasions that I do leave the house plain-faced, I try to hide behind a ball cap and sunglasses (Chanel sunglasses, thank you very much). Whether I'm dating someone casually, or even married to them, I always try to look my best at all times.

Concentrating on the differences in our lives after 31 years really put things in perspective for me. Our lives had evolved to be polar opposites of each other. My first love is now nothing more than that, my first love. And while I believe that I still may have ended up with him if my family hadn't moved across the country back then, the fact remains that I did leave that small town, and that life, behind.