People, why do we sometimes pursue the most inappropriate person in our hunger for companionship?
I found myself becoming attracted to someone who is totally wrong for me, and for all the wrong reasons. I suppose I was feeling a little bored (bored=lonely) and he just came along at the right time. Like the innocent gazelle when the lioness is on the hunt. He was sweet, nice, simple. He had been hurt and was still on the mend. He was young and vulnerable. I wasn't. He was fresh meat and my lioness was was famished.
His first sign of weakness came just by being his nice sweet self. Normally, this would be an ideal, but in this situation, it was a no-no. I saw the vulnerability and pounced. He didn't fight. The gazelle rarely does; they accept their fate and succumb. Let's face it, it wasn't much of a chase. Sometimes lions will play with their pray momentarily before they feast. Not in this case. He was overpowered from the start and the feast was immediate and satisfying. I left the carcass to be finished by scavangers and went on my way.
I don't know why I behaved in such a way. He's a great guy. And he would make someone a great boyfriend, but he's not exactly what I'm looking for in a mate. We're polar opposites and whoever made up that crap about opposites attracting was only referring to magnets, not people. Sometimes when I'm missing my hometown of L.A. and my mother's cooking, I'll try to duplicate what she makes, but I can never totally duplicate it since I never know her secret ingredients. I was missing L.A. and he was my attempt at my mom's lasagna. Not the same, but it'll do the trick and make me feel better. I have no idea how he would feel about being the equivalent to lasagna for me, but he didn't seem to mind too much. Most likely, he knew there was nothing long-term between us and took it for what it was.
I see him now and it's a smile and a wave. Who knows, I might be hungry again someday.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Summer Lovin'
Ah, here we are, in the good ole summertime. Clothes get skimpier, I get more disturbed that my arms aren't as toned as I'd like them (I said arms, but you can really put any random body part in there). And in the midst of this new summer season, I think back to last summer and my summer fling.
Ah folks, he was a doozy. We had met on *gasp* the internet. Not as a love interest or anything, but an ad I put out asking for FRIENDS ONLY. Despite the fact that I clearly pointed out I wanted to just meet friends, I had gotten responses from men who, after I once again stated I just wanted to be friends, would ask why I wasn't interested in them romantically. I was pretty gun-shy. Plus, I was coming out of a bad relationship and didn't need the drama. This guy answered my ad. He was really nice. We emailed occassionally and he actually seemed normal. The best part of the whole thing was that he had been through some of the same things I had been through with my ex, but actually on the other end. It was nice to get both sides of the coin.
Slowly, after some months time, our talk turned affectionate. Not sexual, mind you, but affectionate. We agreed to meet. I showed up, he didn't (he called). We made plans again, he cancelled. I didn't really mind so much, we were just going to be friends anyway. One night we were talking on the phone and I told him I was going to go out and get a drink. He asked me who I was going with, I said nobody, I just felt like relaxing and doing some people-watching. He ended up meeting me, and the funny thing is, I walked into the bar and sat right next to him, without realizing it was him. We talked all evening and went back to his place and got a little intimate.
I don't want you to think I'm going to bash him, because I don't want to do that. He was a very nice guy, but he had absolutely no social skills outside of emails, IMs, texts and phone calls. Face to face was a chore with him. There was a difference in our ages, and he had a hard time with it. I can dig it, I'm not going to be wanting to get married and have babies, and he was. So although he really liked me, we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. I kept telling him it was okay, let's just have fun until it's time to move on. He would continue to call me, but after sleeping with me, would tell me it was over. This went on throughout the summer. I tried to understand where he was coming from, after all, I certainly understood the dilemma. I would no sooner want to take him off the market knowing that getting married and having kids was something he wanted. The summer was over and so were we.
Then came May. The text messages started all over again. Then the calls. I told him I hadn't gotten any younger since last year. He laughed. We talked and texted on a weekly basis. It was always sexual in nature, but peppered with questions about my well-being. It seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was different this time. We made no plans to meet. We just talked. Relived the past affair, but never attempted to take it to the next step.
Last week, I found out why. Turns out we had both recently gone through another similar situation, but this time, we were both on the same side. We had both had a family suffer from the same malady. I had told him about my family member in a rare winter talk. He finally broke down and told me about his family member just this past week. And asked me alot of questions about how to deal. We talked and talked and talked.
We've been talking alot ever since. I'm not sure where things are going to go. He seems to have grown up alot in the past year, but that doesn't change what he wants in life, and what I don't want in life. Will we "hook up" again? I have no idea. There's still an attraction there, but do I really want to live last summer all over again? Not likely.
But then again, it's summertime. And the possibilities are endless.
Ah folks, he was a doozy. We had met on *gasp* the internet. Not as a love interest or anything, but an ad I put out asking for FRIENDS ONLY. Despite the fact that I clearly pointed out I wanted to just meet friends, I had gotten responses from men who, after I once again stated I just wanted to be friends, would ask why I wasn't interested in them romantically. I was pretty gun-shy. Plus, I was coming out of a bad relationship and didn't need the drama. This guy answered my ad. He was really nice. We emailed occassionally and he actually seemed normal. The best part of the whole thing was that he had been through some of the same things I had been through with my ex, but actually on the other end. It was nice to get both sides of the coin.
Slowly, after some months time, our talk turned affectionate. Not sexual, mind you, but affectionate. We agreed to meet. I showed up, he didn't (he called). We made plans again, he cancelled. I didn't really mind so much, we were just going to be friends anyway. One night we were talking on the phone and I told him I was going to go out and get a drink. He asked me who I was going with, I said nobody, I just felt like relaxing and doing some people-watching. He ended up meeting me, and the funny thing is, I walked into the bar and sat right next to him, without realizing it was him. We talked all evening and went back to his place and got a little intimate.
I don't want you to think I'm going to bash him, because I don't want to do that. He was a very nice guy, but he had absolutely no social skills outside of emails, IMs, texts and phone calls. Face to face was a chore with him. There was a difference in our ages, and he had a hard time with it. I can dig it, I'm not going to be wanting to get married and have babies, and he was. So although he really liked me, we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. I kept telling him it was okay, let's just have fun until it's time to move on. He would continue to call me, but after sleeping with me, would tell me it was over. This went on throughout the summer. I tried to understand where he was coming from, after all, I certainly understood the dilemma. I would no sooner want to take him off the market knowing that getting married and having kids was something he wanted. The summer was over and so were we.
Then came May. The text messages started all over again. Then the calls. I told him I hadn't gotten any younger since last year. He laughed. We talked and texted on a weekly basis. It was always sexual in nature, but peppered with questions about my well-being. It seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was different this time. We made no plans to meet. We just talked. Relived the past affair, but never attempted to take it to the next step.
Last week, I found out why. Turns out we had both recently gone through another similar situation, but this time, we were both on the same side. We had both had a family suffer from the same malady. I had told him about my family member in a rare winter talk. He finally broke down and told me about his family member just this past week. And asked me alot of questions about how to deal. We talked and talked and talked.
We've been talking alot ever since. I'm not sure where things are going to go. He seems to have grown up alot in the past year, but that doesn't change what he wants in life, and what I don't want in life. Will we "hook up" again? I have no idea. There's still an attraction there, but do I really want to live last summer all over again? Not likely.
But then again, it's summertime. And the possibilities are endless.
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