Sunday, October 10, 2010

Free at Last

Last night, a light bulb went off in my head. But the reason for it requires some explanation. Remember the guy in my Friends and Lovers post? Well, he's been a pretty major part of my life lately. With things over between XBD and me, I had been spending a bit of time with said Friend. Friend and I got involved 10 years ago, when I was in a separation period with my husband. It lasted for two years, ending with me getting back together with the husband. Friend and I had stayed in touch, albeit strictly platonic. We never alluded to the years we spent together and we carried on as if before the relationship. When the husband and I separated permanently, we had a tryst and briefly mentioned seeing each other again.

I met XBD a few days later and our tryst turned out to be just that. Recently, I had a couple medical emergencies and when I didn't know who to call, I called Friend. He came immediately and helped me immensely throughout the issue. This brought us together and, although he wanted to make the new found relationship committed, I wasn't so sure. The things that happened between our "break-up" weren't exactly rosy. He had lied by omission about some things and suffice it to say I wasn't the only one he was seeing.

But this time, it was different. He was regretful and genuinely seemed to have changed. He apologized to me so many times, I had to tell him to stop. He wanted the commitment that I once wanted and this time, I didn't feel the same. So I told him I wasn't ready for that, as XBD and I had just recently broke up and I needed some time to take care of myself.

And that's when the light bulb went off. I'm single. Completely and totally single. I have been dating, engaged, married with kids, or otherwise involved for the past 28 years, with the exception of a year after my first husband died. Things have changed! My kids are grown up and lead their own lives. I'm not attached to any man and the world is my oyster.

Of course, I'm an older single woman so things are much different now. The dating pool is much smaller, I'm less patient, and the world is just so much different than when I was dating in high school. But I'm excited anyway. I don't know if I'll be doing anything different with my new found single hood. **shrug** I've always been socially active with friends doing a myriad of different things, so it's not like I need to step up my social activities. Heck no, I'm happy with my life as is. I don't need to try to be 25 anymore, who would want that?

I'd like to think single hood is going to be a fun adventure. I'm wiser, more honest, and not afraid to dive in head-first. I hope you'll stick around to see how it goes for me!